


Fragments of You

by SpecialAgentFiction



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Again, F/M, Hospitals, Mentions of Death, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Reader-Insert, mentions of illness, tried to keep reader gender neutral but probably failed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22175827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpecialAgentFiction/pseuds/SpecialAgentFiction
Summary: Jim’s having trouble after the events of ‘Into Darkness’ and honestly, everyone else is still really freaked out over the fact that he died. Everyone but you that is. You’re helping him through it all.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Original Female Character(s), James T. Kirk/Reader
Comments: 12
Kudos: 57





	Fragments of You

Jim shook his head at the scene in front of him; a hand of cards splayed smugly on the table, your bare feet thrown up onto his bed as your toes wiggled in satisfaction and the breath-taking smile you were throwing his way as he begrudgingly pushed the stack of winnings over to your side.

“You’re supposed to let me win.”

You rolled your eyes at him and popped a jellybean into your mouth – real money had no place at your poker table. “And why is that?”

“Because _I died_.” He reminded you, shuffling the cards as you rolled your eyes at him again. “And Bones won’t let me out of here until I’m 100% alive again.” He gestured to the hospital room they were in as you gave a dramatic sigh.

“God, way to bring the mood down.” You said, sliding your cards across the over-bed table before flicking them up and eyeing them warily as your fingers curved them expertly to avoid his prying eyes.

“Well maybe if you let me win-” You snorted at the idea as you silently played against each other. “People tend to be nice towards invalids, you know.”

“Well excuse me for having had enough of your _I’m-radiation-proof_ act.”

“I-”

“Royal Flush.” You cut him off, spreading the cards out again. “Read ‘em and weep Kirk.”

“I don’t know how, but you’re cheating.”

“ _Sure_ , that’s the reason you keep losing, Radiation Brain.”

* * *

The diner window offered a beautiful view of the streets of San Francisco. Jim loved to sit here and just stare out as all aspects of life played out in front of him. Not long ago he’d seen a toddler holding hands with their grandparent and pointing high at the shuttles zooming overhead.

He loved this window.

Loved how it was basically the entirety of the shop front and loved the high table with red leather stool that allowed him to swivel side to side as he wrapped his mouth around a burger he’d only ever dreamed of in the corn fields of Iowa.

He was pretty sure the staff loved him too. There always seemed to be a couple of extra fries in his basket and he’d left here a couple of times with a number scrawled on the side of his milkshake.

God he loved this city. Loved how everything was here and within walking distance of his apartment. Well, almost everything. He let his own eyes flick skyward and a slow smile broke out over his lips as he thought of the adventures that awaited as soon as the Enterprise was actually a whole star ship again and not just bits of one after the whole Khan episode.

“You’ll get a crick in your neck if you keep sitting like that.” Jim smiled as your voice appeared at his shoulder. “And then you’ll complain about it and I’ll have to listen to you and…” You sighed, clambering up onto the stool next to him. “...it’s just a whole lot of bother for everyone.”

“Good afternoon to you too.” He smiled, not bothering to bat your hand away as you reached for his fries.

You flashed him a grin. “Afternoon Jimbo.” And forced the handful of fries into your mouth in one. “Relishing in your down time?” Jim sneered as you talked around the mouthful of potato. “Don’t give me that look.”

“If you bought your own food I wouldn’t, but it pains me to see you mangling mine.”

“Pay?” You swallowed. “You mean you don’t buy extra just for me?” Jim couldn’t remember, maybe he did. Maybe that’s why they gave him extra; they knew he was going to ask for it anyway.

“Thought you’d still be in bed.” He said, itching to change the subject before it got awkward. “You never see noon unless it’s important.”

“I’m always with you Jim.” You told him, playing with a limp fry. “I’m that annoying limpet.” You flashed him another smile. “And you _are_ important.”

He rolled his eyes at you before sliding the basket over and letting his hips turn the chair side-to side as he watched the world outside and listened to you re-tell a story from your childhood.

He loved this place.

* * *

It was Friday night and apparently your liver couldn’t take another riotous one. Jim was pleased actually; he’d been almost totally sober since Khan (gotta love restrictive meds) and the crowds that came with a packed bar reminded him too much of that warp core; the air was always stuffy and something was ringing in his ears and…

He took a breath and steadied his shaking hand in an attempt to not slice off his thumb. Heart rate back to normal and mind free of that day, he returned to the pizza cutter in his hand and tried to figure out how big he could cut the slices before you inevitably ended up wearing most of the toppings.

He set the box down onto the coffee table and flicked through the choice of movies for the night. You’d want something to make you laugh and he wanted something to make him forget about the feeling of radiation sliding through his veins. He settled on an old favourite and stole a slice of pepperoni from the pizza. You’d never know.

He was reaching for a pair of beers when the doorbell went. Setting the two bottles down and nudging the refrigerator door shut with his hip, he padded to the door and peered at the small screen sat beside it.

Bones was already mumbling to himself, if the feed was to be believed, and Jim supressed a smirk at the fact that he seemed to be having an argument with himself…and losing. He pressed his thumb against the door release and flashed the doctor his most charming smile.

“What can I do for you Bones?”

“You can stop taking so damned long to answer the door; I aged a decade waiting out there.” The man grumbled, striding into the apartment as Jim let the door close behind him. “Well ain’t this cosy.” Bones whistled as he stopped in the living area. “Pizza, a movie and…” He paused, hand dramatically draped over his chest. “…is that an ice-cold beer? You’re too good to me.” He batted his eyelashes mockingly as Jim rolled his eyes at the man and moved into the kitchen area, busying himself with nothing in particular as Bones continued to stand in the middle of his living and dining space. 

“What do you want Bones?” He asked, eye flicking to the oven clock as he tried to figure out how he could get Bones out of here before you arrived – he couldn’t take another week of teasing from the man as he found you both together again.

“Just thought I’d check in; make sure you’re taking your meds.” As if he could forget; you were on his ass about them everyday and he obligingly took each one as you watched, arms crossed and eyebrow quirked. “Resting up, avoiding warp cores and all that.”

“And here I was planning on climbing back into one tomorrow.”

“Do you want to see how fast I can put you back in that hospital?” Jim smiled to himself, touched by how quickly the usually gruff doctor’s demeanour changed to one of total concern. “Because damnit I will.”

“I know you will.” Jim glanced again at the clock behind him and frowned. You were late. You were never late.

“So…” Bones began, recapturing Jim’s attention and the blonde frowned again at how uncomfortable he now seemed; hand rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he surveyed the pizza and beers again. “…She uhh…she stuck in traffic or…” The doctor trailed off, not meeting Jim’s eyes.

“Yeah.” He glanced to the clock. “Yeah she must be.” He stared at the flickering numbers, trying to figure out how an hour had passed without him noticing. He looked to the beers and noted the small puddles at their bases that he swore had been iced condensation only a minute ago.

“Want me to sit with you till she gets here?” He finally met Bones’ eyes and with a slow nod the man was in action.

Suddenly Jim found himself on the couch, a slice of heated pizza in one hand and a fresh beer in the other. He let his gaze slide from the 20th century Western that Bones had started to the pair of beers still sat on the counter and wondered where you were.

“Everything okay Jim?”

“Yeah.” He muttered, turning back to his best friend. “Yeah I’m good.”

The doctor offered him a half-smile before turning to the movie again and Jim wondered if Bones’ eyes had always been that wet.

* * *

After that he started noticing how…odd everyone else was acting too.

Uhura was always wringing her hands whenever she talked to him and though she tried not to, her eyes could never focus on him and just flitted around the space either side of his head.

Spock was harder to notice. Anyone who didn’t know the Vulcan would have thought all was well with the man, but Jim knew him better by now; they’d been through too much and he trusted his First Office with his life and more importantly, the lives of everyone else under his command. So the deeper set of his eyebrows or the way he seemed to double check every word before he delivered it, was greatly concerning to Jim.

But that was just the two of them. Maybe something had happened between them and they were trying to play it cool until they resolved it. At least that’s what he thought before he saw Sulu.

Hikaru Sulu was the best pilot in the fleet, a mean poker player and a very enthusiastic combat beginner. But he was terrible at not asking Jim if he was alright every five seconds and he’d had to cut lunch short with his helmsman before he’d slapped him and asked if there was something wrong with his wiring.

Chekov just seemed to drink heavily whenever they were in the same room together and that was saying something because that kid, that Russian kid whose veins probably pumped iced vodka through his body, could out pace them all on a good day. And he seemed to be having a lot of bad ones lately.

But they all tended to leave him to himself unless they were planning on getting together. It was Scotty who was supplying him with endless updates on the status of the Enterprise and he wasn’t sure how many more image attachments of Scotty and a broken engine component with a promise to _‘have her flyin’ again in no time Captain’_ he could take.

So yeah, he was concerned. Because they all seemed to not be dealing with the fact that yes, he’d crawled inside a warp core, kicked the housings back into place, sealed himself in the antechamber and _died_. He understood it must have been awful to see him laid out in a body-bag but he was here; he was alive and breathing and letting Bones poke and prod at him once a week while running a blood sample to make sure Khan’s blood wasn’t just masking a silent and slow death by radiation poisoning.

So far you seemed to be the only one who was willing to accept the fact that when he swore to do whatever it took to save his people, he meant _whatever it took_. So sue him for choosing to spend 90% of his free time with you.

You made him feel alive when everyone else was picturing his dead body.

* * *

He was tired of hospitals; tired of the drawn faces and white walls and the tasteless jello. Hell, he wasn’t even sure why he was here this time. Obviously it had something to do with Khan’s blood and the radiation and he understood that they’d want to monitor him but forcing him into a gown and tucking the blankets so tight around his legs he could barely move? That seemed a little unnecessary.

He was so confused about he whole thing and his head was pounding and all he could see was Leonard stood outside his door talking to another doctor. He wanted to know why no one was saying anything to him. The last time he was here there’d been a lot less fuss but the wide-eyed look Bones’ had shot him when he’d turned and found Jim loitering in the doorway had seemed to set off a new cascade of smothering him.

_“…all I know is; we caught it early.”_

That’s all he’d heard before a nurse had arrived and ushered him back into the room, closing the door firmly behind her.

“Keep thinking that hard and your face’ll crack in half.” He tore his eyes from the door to the chair at the side of him and let out a sigh of relief when he saw you sitting there. “And I don’t know if I can stick with you if you’re not pretty anymore.”

“My dashing personality isn’t enough for you?” He asked, not bothering to question when you’d gotten here or how you’d slipped past him unnoticed.

“Your dashing personality consists of an easy smile and ludicrous pick-up lines.” You laughed, and he relished in the sound that was so different from the beeping monitors either side of him or the almost muted screen playing an infomercial about Starfleet.

“You love my pick-up lines.”

You smiled softly. “I love every part of you, Jim Kirk.” Your smile wobbled slightly at the smile he’d flashed you. “Even the bit that’s killing you.”

Jim paused, trying to understand why you’d gone so quiet as you stared at him. “What?”

You shook your head sadly. “Genius level intellect and you can’t figure out that you’re here because you’re sick.”

“I’m not sick.” He told you. “Khan’s blood-”

“Khan’s blood regenerated all the cells that the radiation had killed.” You reminded him. “Even the tumour that’s sitting in your head.”

“Tumour?” He frowned. “What are yo-”

“C’mon Jim.” You reached out to him and he snatched his arm away at the icy touch. “Think about it; the headaches, the forgetfulness…”

“I _died_.” He reminded you. “I think I’m allowed to have a few side-effects.”

“Yes, you are.” You stood up and faced him from the foot of his bed. “And you’ve been so up beat that no one had the heart to tell you what the scans showed.” You gestured to a screen just off to the side of him and he craned his neck to see a variety of images of what appeared to be the inside of his skull.

“That’s…” He stopped. “…why haven’t I noticed those?”

“Because you have a tumour sitting on your brain.”

Jim ignored you and focused on the room around him; the small details he’d apparently missed. His eyes flicked from the pile of Starfleet paperwork on his bed-side cabinet to the jumper thrown over the back of your chair to the selection of photographs that were pinned to the wall beside the door.

“How long have I been in here?”

“A week; they’ve been getting you ready for surgery.”

He met your eyes. “That’s impossible; we went to the park _yesterday_.”

“No Jim.” You braced yourself on the footboard. “We went to the park an age ago.”

You gestured again but this time to the wall of photographs and sure enough, there was one of the two of you grinning with trees and fountains in the background. He was a younger man in it. Not by much but he was pretty sure he could see the red of his cadet uniform peeing out from the bottom of the image.

“But…but…” He looked back to you and frowned. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because today is the day they’re going to cut it out of you. That’s why Bones has been by here three times already.” You told him. “And because I had to tell you before it goes.”

“Why?”

“Because I love every part of you, Jim Kirk.” You pushed off the bed to stand upright. “Especially the part that formed a solid mass just so you could see me again.”

“I don’t understand…I…”

“Look at me Jim.” He did, his eyes focusing in on you. “Look at my face, my hands, my eyes.” You smiled softly. “Now blink.” He did. “Is there any explanation as to how I changed my clothes so quickly?” He swallowed hard as he realised your shirt had changed and the boots on your feet were a different colour and…he shook himself.

“No.” He shook his head again. “No this isn’t possible; you’re _here_.”

“I haven’t been here in a long time Jim.” His breath stalled as you suddenly appeared at his side, his hand in yours as the red of your own cadet uniform blazed in his eyes. “But I’m touched that you want me to be.”

He choked on a small sob as he took you in. “How long?”

“Not long enough for the details to fade.” You smiled again, that perfect smile that was emblazoned in his memory.

His eyes darted to doorway and he saw through the frosted panes the outlines of his crew; his family. Spock had Uhura under his arm as Chekov and Sulu stood shoulder to shoulder with Scotty holding his head in his hands and Bones talking slowly to them all.

“They all know?”

“Of course they do.” He sighed, now understanding the worried glances and hushed conversations whenever he brought up your name. “And so do you. You have done for a while but you’re too stubborn to admit it.”

He thought back over the few months since the Khan attack. He’d known something wasn’t right but with the Enterprise being reconstructed and Pike’s funeral and the meetings at Starfleet he hadn’t had time to sit and figure it out. But he realised now that he had. That every-time you’d popped up had been a clue that it was more than ‘not right’.

“What happened?” He asked, turning back to you. “How did you-”

“You got the Enterprise. I got the Farragut.”

He swallowed again, remembering the chaos of the hangar as the Cadet’s were promoted and sent out to Vulcan. He’d never forget that day; forget the carnage they came across when they reached Vulcan, nor the loss of life count HQ released a week later. They had been decimated and when he’d seen the wrecked hull of the USS Farragut, his world had imploded.

* * *

_“Welcome to Starfleet and Godspeed.”_

_He was grounded. The biggest call-up in Starfleet history and he was grounded because some Vulcan took offence that he beat his damned test._

_“We gotta go Jim.” He met Bones’ worried look with a weary one of his own before nodding sharply. “The board will rule in your favour.” The doctor promised before shooting his best friend another look and heading for his shuttle._

_“I can’t believe I have to leave you here.” He turned to you and felt his heart swell at the sight of your lip between your teeth as you debated whether or not to stay too._

_“Well you do.” He slung an arm around your shoulder and forced a smile. “Because I gotta have_ someone _comm me all the juicy details and Bones is going to be useless on the Enterprise, so I need you on the Farragut; at the heart of it all.”_

_You laughed. “I’m sorry Jim.”_

_“Nothing to be sorry for; you told me not to do it and I did it anyway.”_

_“You wouldn’t be Jim Kirk if you actually listened to me.”_

_“And if I wasn’t me then who else would tell you to get your ass on a shuttle and into space.” His arm dropped, and you turned to the shuttle dedicated to the Farragut cadets. “Go on.” He urged. “Because as soon as I get out of this grounding, I’m gonna get up there and show you all up.”_

_“Sure you are.”_

_“I am.” He promised. “So make sure you get some practice in before I can beat you all.” You laughed as you stepped up onto the shuttle platform. “I’ll see you in the stars.”_

* * *

“They’re going to come and take you away soon.” You said, breaking him from his thoughts. “So, unless you decide to face death for a third time, this is goodbye, my friend.”

“You were never just a friend.”

“I know.” You smiled again, and he wondered how many times his mind was going to force you to do that action. “But love can be fleeting; a true friend though is hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget.” You bent and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “And I think the simple fact of me being here, proves how true that is.”

You stepped back from him as the door opened and Bones led a fleet of clinicians inside. Jim wouldn’t tear his eyes from you though. Wasn’t willing to let you disappear from view. Even as the bed started to move, his eyes were trained on you and only when they started to burn did he let them close in a soft blink.

But he felt it then, in that corridor with is family all grasping at his hands when he passed them; felt the whisper of kiss on his lips and the gentle weight of someone curled up at his side. He felt you all the way to the operating room and when the anaesthetic started to make its way through him he heard you.

_“See you in the stars, Jim Kirk.”_


End file.
